It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
sarcasm needs its own font
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
