Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
