so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
