Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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