i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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