Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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