I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
