Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
