i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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