all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
