Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
