If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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