you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
