I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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