He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I know her cup size but not her name....
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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