Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
