I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
