I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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