i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
