Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
