I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I wish I only lived at night.
ugly people sure do ruin things
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
