In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
