the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
