apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
