so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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