the day after is always just damage control
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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