where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
