This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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