Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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