I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
