am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
