I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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