so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
