Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
she looked like the before picture.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
