I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Drunk is a universal language darling
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
