I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
