Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize
