piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Randomize
