There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
