I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
