im six kinds of drunk right now
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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