Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
