ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
