im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
