All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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