I'd wear matching sweaters with you
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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