i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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