My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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