hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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