how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
