He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
