Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
